


He is just a friend

by JJDeservesBetter



Series: Through the years [2]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, Confusion, Daddy Issues, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gay Panic, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Holding Hands, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, JJ (Outer Banks) Deserves Better, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Shyness, Teenagers, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:21:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJDeservesBetter/pseuds/JJDeservesBetter
Summary: While fighting against his feelings for John B, JJ was also trying to understand what was happening with him. He was confused with his life.Being a Pogue was not easy in the isle, but being like him, liking boys in this isle was not something he could possibly imagine. After all if his dad found out, he would be dead.Although, this night nothing matters, this night he would be free. Because, he had just found someone like him.
Relationships: JJ & John B. Routledge, JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ (Outer Banks)/Original Character(s), Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), Pope/Kiara one side
Series: Through the years [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738573
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	1. I want to be with you too

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a part of my series, but you dont need to read the series to understand, although I really recommend you read it.  
> .  
> .  
> A little context: JJ is 15, JJ's thoughts are written in italic and JJ really needs a hug.  
> .  
> .  
> Enjoy ♡

The summer was about to end in the Outer Banks, all the teenagers on the isle were looking for some kind of trouble or fun in that last weekend before school started again, so they decided to throw a keg party. All the tribes were in the beach on the south side before sunset, the Pogues, the Kooks and even some of the Tourons. Acting like normal stupid kids drinking, laughing, joking around and making out in every dark corner they could find. 

The Pogues were almost happy for once in weeks. Kiara was happy because she helped turtles getting in the sea and the season had been great for her parents in The Wreck. Pope had just got the papers to apply for his scholarship and his family was thrilled. John B and his dad had a great week together, because the storm had made the bay full of fish for them. JJ otherwise didn’t had anything “happy” going on, but he haven’t gotten in to a fight with his old man in days so yeah, that was something to be happy about.

The beach was full and loud with young voices. Some of them were dancing around the fire, some were playing games on the sand and some were staring at others with different kinds of eyes, just like JJ was. He was sitting beneath a tree with a beer bottle in his hands, looking John talking with a blonde Touron girl. _Always hitting on silly tourists_. He took a sip and looked away. Now, with jealousy in his eyes.

JJ had spent most of his summer trying to change the way he felt about John B. Hiding his feelings, looking away when his friend passed by or stood too close to him, hanging around with every girl he could find. Days have come and gone and nothing changed, he still wanted to be something else or God forbid someone else in John B's life. Sometimes, he would even dare to imagine how everything could be, if he wasn’t his best friend.

Every other day he would think of telling John about it and immediately quitting the thought. He was too afraid to do that. What if John stopped talking to him? What if John talked to Kie and Pope and they started isolating him? What if John think he is... disgusting? 

He couldn’t risk that. He wasn’t going to lose his best friend over something like that. Something so wrong in his eyes. _Stupid useless feelings_.

So, to stop himself from thinking about any of this, today he planned on drinking until passing out, in one of the couches on The Château or maybe even before getting there. “JJ" Kiara called him just before she dropped in the sand by his side. She had a beautiful smile on her face like always. _It would be so easy if it was you_.

“Doing fine?” she asked looking at him and twisting her hair into a loose ponytail. “Yeah baby, all doing fine here” he smiled for her and spoke with a smirk on his lips “I saw you talking with a tall boy back there, is he fine too Kie?” he took a sip of beer while glaring at her. He used to provoke her with things like this, since the day he saw her hooking up with a boy behind the life guard station at the beach. 

“He’s not that cool” she sounded amused “He said ‘yeah girl turtles and dolphins are amazing but have you looked at your ass' “ she talked imitating him with a disgusted look on her face. “Want me to beat the shit outta him?” he asked. _Stupid fucker I should push him out of the hill_. 

She smiled “Nah I’m fine, I already slapped him" her grin was high like his instantly “That’s ma’ girl Kie" He laughed and hugged her over the shoulders rapidly “I’m so fucking proud of you". _I still should push him over the hill_. They laughed and stood there quiet for some time enjoying each other presence in a friendly peace. 

She reclined on the tree looking a couple of teens making out nearby “And how is your love life going tonight JJ?”. _Not the way I wanted_. “Going like surfing without waves” he took a sip “So like shit, right?" she asked.

“Yeah Kie”. _Always like shit_. “But I don’t see anyone I like so, you know" he shrugged “JJ there’s always someone you like" she mocked him “Not tonight Kie" he took a sip. _Actually the one I like is now taking a girl to the woods, to God knows what_. He commented to diverge the topic from him “Well at least John's doing fine”. _Stupid fucked up feelings_. Even his thoughts now sounded jealous. 

“Yeah, he is" she looked for John’s direction nodding. “Well I’m gonna look for beer and Pope” she got up to shake all the sand away and looked for him on the ground “You coming JJ?”.

“Thanks, but I have to leave" he got up too, shaking the sand like her and adjusting his hair “I gotta find my cousin to catch some good stuff" he lied. He was just going away from there, needing air after seeing John with that girl.

“Okay, see you later JJ" she waved lightly for him with that bright smile of her. _It would be so easy to fall for you, you’re beautiful and fun, fuck, it should have been you Kie_. 

\---

JJ was walking around, looking for a more distant and quieter place on the beach away from all the teens, he found a sand dune close to the trees, so he got up there to be left alone. This was not a good night for him. His beer was hot so he didn’t wanted it, everyone’s happiness looked offensive and troublesome. He wanted to go home, but not with his father there, he needed somewhere else to stay. A safe place, like John’s house, warm and good. 

_Fucking bastard useless piece of shit of twisted mind. Why I’m like this? Why can’t I be normal?_

He sat and fell with his back on the warm sand, losing the grip on the bottle that rolled down the dune. With his eyes closed, all he could hear was the teens noise and all he could distinguish was their happiness. He wanted that, desperately. He was jealous of them all. _I hate it_.

“Yo JJ, got wasted already?” someone talked to him, but he didn’t wanted to talk to anybody. So yeah, he was going to pretend to be asleep. _Fuck go away_. He felt a weight being dropped on the sand next to him “I know you are not that long gone mate” He felt something shaking his arm. _Shit_. 

He used both hands to support his head on the sand and talked with eyes still closed “Unless you are going to get me a beer. Fuck of bro” he heard a brief laugh “Well not here for beer mate" the boy laid on the sand beside him “Wanted to know if you had anything good in hands" the boy closed his eyes as well.

_Dad once said ‘be aware son, they always want something from you' of course he was drunk and totally lethargic, but he was hella right, they always want something._

“Nothin’ with me mate” he mocked of the boy's accent “Go get pod somewhere else" his head was hurting now and he wanted it to be because of the loud music. But, deep inside he knew that was not the cause, it was John. The thought of him and that blonde girl doing things in the woods. Holding hands. Kissing. Touching. Taking and giving. _I hate this_. 

“Hey” the other boy called “You good mate?" he said, raising to sit in the sand, shaking his hair with one hand, what made all the sand that was there fall on JJ's face. “What the fuck, I’m down here” he pressed his eyes shut, not wanting it to enter in his eyes. He sat up and waved all of it away from him “Couldn’t you do that to the other side?” he shouted, now his head was definitely hurting.

The boy brought one knee close to his chest as he settled himself on the sand “Sorry for that mate, I didn’t even thought about" the boy tried to set his hair in place again. _Kook's never think about anything other them themselves_. “Should have thought about that” he responded “Now, can you fuck off, cause you ain’t gonna get pod from me tonight” JJ looked at him, he was pissed and he didn’t had the mind to deal with that now. 

The other boy seemed to think about it for some seconds before he replied “And what if I say, that I no longer want pod?” the boy turned and looked JJ in the eyes. _What the actual fuck_. “What if I say, that I just want your company for tonight?” the boy smirked, sharp and evil. Like the devil he was. _Always teasing like you own the world_. “Bro serious ” JJ said and turned away from his gaze with cheeks slightly blushed “Go play games with someone else". He was trying to get what was happening right now, why this Kook was still acting like this, when he didn’t had no pod with him. _Why don’t you go do this with another one like you._

The boy laughed a little on that “I don’t have anyone else to play, only you out here, all alone” he responded smirking and provoking. JJ flexed his legs on the sand, deciding to play on with him and said sarcastically “Looking for someone younger to play, what a real tough guy you are" the other boy laughed again and turned forward saying “Better younger than older”. _Yeah, now you sounded just like a pervert_. JJ only said looking back at him “You sounded like a perv’ bro”. 

“What?” the other asked slightly confused and surprised from that comment. _Dumb Kook_. JJ asked “Bro, what do you think ‘better younger than older' sounds like?” and completed “You sounded just like a pervert”. With that things finally clicked together for the other boy, after all he did sounded a little like a pervert. 

The other boy was blushing “JJ!” he shouted “What the… fuck you bro" he pushed JJ's arm “One, fuck you and two, fuck you that’s gross”. JJ laughed and replied smiling “You said it weirdo" he was just joking with him now, smiling lazily. “Fuck you Jay" the boy tossed sand on JJ's legs with his hand “What the hell is wrong with you, twisting jokes like that" he pushed JJ's shoulder, this time harder. “Man, you said it, not me” JJ talked falsely defensive as he raised his hands above his head. “You piece of shit” He pushed him again, but laughing this time “Stop fucking with me". 

“You are the dumb fuck here, not me bro" JJ replied and laughed. He didn’t even notice how fast things went between them, one minute biting at each other and provoking, but now he was laughing and for once in a while he wasn’t thinking about John B at all.

The other boy laughed and said between smiles “Fucker". Both boys were laughing and smiling lazily, close to each other on the sand, just like normal boys, leaving the tribes behind. After some time of silence when they calmed down the boy next to JJ said calmly “Hey mate, can I ask you something?” JJ only nodded with his head saying “Yeah".

“Why are you here alone?” He wasn’t mocking or making fun, simply asking. JJ analyzed the other boy and thought about pushing him off and telling him to go away, but he didn’t saw a reason to do that, the boy wasn’t drunk or high neither looked like a threat to him. So he just responded honestly “I just wanted to be in somewhere quiet". _And apparently you are here to guarantee that this won’t happen_. “Stranger, I mean looking for quiet while in a party with lots of drunk teens and music" the boy responded.

“Yeah.. you got me on that, but at last here we are far from all that mess” JJ looked at him and asked back “And why are you here alone and not with your rich friends?”.

“I wasn’t in the mood for them tonight and I..” he stopped, looking for words to speak “I don’t like to be around them when they get drunk” he said low while passing his hand on the warm sand. _You look so fragile now_. JJ asked slowly “Why?”

The boy shrugged saying “They get too cared away" turning to JJ he said “Doing some fucked jokes y’know" he got some sand in his hand and started dropping it little by little “They keep trying to arrange me with every single girl that looks at me” he sighed “It’s fucking childish and stupid, they seem to don’t grown up". _Well, how come a boy complaining about girls wanting to be with him, what a hard life you have_. “They do that when they get drunk, so here am I".

JJ could think about maybe five jokes to make about what he just heard, but decided to bite it and ask in a uninterested tone “And by all means why would it be a problem bro?” 

“Because I do not think many of them are that attractive, obviously they have their qualities, it’s just that I… I do prefer boys actually" the boy spoke carefully and not entirely looking at JJ’s eyes, the last part almost a whisper. He was blushing.

JJ listened, but didn’t understood. The boy by his side was someone he was quite used to, but at the same time he wasn’t. Matthew Montgomery was a strange person. A quiet and playful boy that always had a book in his hands, gentle with everyone, never aggressive, a truly polished British guy. However, he was the one of the Kooks that always came to buy weed from him, cigarettes and alcohol from the liquor store on the south side. _Not so perfect thought_. They teased each other constantly, but there was never anger or hate in his words, actually they always seemed friendly. Their interactions were almost always short, given the place they came from and by that the people they were friends with, but Matthew always seemed to try and start a talk with him when they came in contact with. He was the one Kook that never ever had talked down on anyone, he always interrupted fights on school or outside, throwing punches only when needed. He was a nice guy. Also a very good looking guy for JJ, not that he would admit it out loud. Freckles, light tanned skin from the sun, dark short curly hair, some muscles, a sharp jaw and blue ice eyes. He was one of the few persons that JJ really looked by the corner of his sight every time he passed. 

JJ was attracted to him in ways he wasn’t for John B. With John his heart felt like gasoline and he was the match that would set him on fire. It was a beautiful and overwhelming feeling of want and need. With Matthew his feelings were not like this at all, for him this boy was someone hot that he wondered how his lips would feel like against his own. He thought about what would it be like to pass his fingers on his hair and touch someone like him. A boy. A boy that wasn’t John B. 

A boy that even if after touches hated or felt disgust over him it wouldn’t matter. Because, for JJ he wasn’t the one that he thought when he was almost asleep late in the night, the one with the smile he thought when his dad started to yell and call him deception.

He didn’t knew what to say or how to act before what he just heard. For him this couldn’t be real. _Maybe it’s just a dream and dad just kicked me hard enough this time._

“Now would be the time to scream at me or ask questions" Matthew said calmly. _Scream?_. JJ asked confused “Wha’?”. 

“Usually, when I tell this to people here they scream at me and call me names or they start questioning me about being like this" Matthew was passing his hands on the sand and talking softly. _Do people mistreat you so much? That's why you hide it? Just like me, are you afraid they will treat you differently?_. “So, you gonna scream or ask something?”. _Maybe both, maybe none._

JJ, after some time said quietly observing the other boy “Ask". _Maybe it can be real_. “Okay, go for it mate”. 

“Do you go telling this to everyone around here?”. Matthew laughed softly on that only replying “Not so often, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of either". JJ asked again “Who knows?”. “Only my parents, a couple of friends and some guys I was with". _There are gay guys around here, what the fuck, it’s not like you could find a gay person in every corner, it’s a fucking isle how do you even hide or find it here_. “Any more questions?”.

“Why are you telling me this bro?” JJ asked and hoped with fear for the answer. Matthew only smirked “Why do you thing Jay?” waiting peacefully for his moves. _Stop smirking like that to me_. “Cause' you are drunk and feel like sharing?”. _Maybe it’s really happening_. 

Matthew giggled “I’m indeed feeling like sharing, but I’m driving tonight so no, not drunk at all". _That never stopped any Kook around here, but of course you would be the one_. “Look Jay, I’m gonna' be straight with you..”. JJ interrupted him smiling lazily “Which you are not”. 

Matthew laughed on that “Yeah screw you Jay so original, can I keep going now?”. JJ was smiling and nodding “Yeah, yeah just say it bro" he was starting to feel a hot sensation on his belly. Was this boy actually saying all of this for him. Like what was happening right now. Was he going to confess? JJ's thoughts were going crazy right now even if he looked calm in the outside. 

“I wanted to talk with you for some time now, but the chance never came, until tonight" he adjusted his legs on the sand “Look, I think you are good looking, really funny, a very good guy and I think you like boys two, I mean otherwise you wouldn’t still be here listening to me" JJ had a strange look on his face, so Matthew paused his hand on JJ's ankle squeezing a little and turning back to look at him with soft eyes “JJ”. 

“I just wanna' know if you want to spend time with me or hang out or maybe when you want it, if you want it, I would like to be with you" Matthew smiled softly and squeezed his ankle one last time, before getting up and cleaning the sand from his clothes, JJ had a strange expression, both confused and surprised by all “I understand I took you by surprise so, I will let you think about it okay, see you Jay" he started heading off.

Matthew Montgomery was a strange person, but he was a sensible person as well. So when he saw the confused face JJ had, he thought that he made the wrong move. Maybe it was not the time to approach him, maybe he was just joking with him or maybe he wasn’t like that at all. Obviously, at the moment the best thing to do was head off, leave the boy to think and understand what he was told. 

JJ Maybank was a fucked up person, but right now he was fucking feeling his blood warm. This beautiful boy just said he liked him and he wanted to kiss him, fucking be with him. He was froze in place. He didn’t even knew what to say anymore. He never expected this to happen, after all he thought that John B would be the one and not this boy in front of him.

The moment seemed to never end. Matthew was talking, smiling and now leaving. JJ was very confused and maybe not thinking right, but he decided to take the risk, get up and say “Matthew wait". Fuck John B and the girl in the woods, Fuck that his father would kill him if he found out. _Just this once, maybe this one time I can do it._ “JJ?”. _Maybe this time I can get what I want._

“I want to be with you too" JJ said, but it sounded almost like a whisper, a low and very private one. Matthew, well he smiled, because this made his night “Okay” he took a step closer to JJ “Are you sure?”. _Of course I’m sure, didn’t I just say I want you dumb Kook._

JJ nodded “Yeah” he took a step closer too “I am” he looked around and quickly added “But not here ‘kay”. He wanted it now so bad, grab him, pass his hands on his hair and make a mess of him. However, here on the beach they could be seen for others. Yes fuck John B and his Father, but he still wanted to actually be able to breath next time he saw either of them, so, he wanted his privacy. “Can we go somewhere else?”.

“Sure, okay, whatever you need Jay” he was saying fast, eyes soft like a puppy “just gime’ a second" he got his phone out of his pocket tipped something quickly and after receiving an answer, he turned back to JJ “Okay my friends are not near the car, so we are good, we can go catch it and head somewhere else, sounds good for you Jay?”. “Yeah" he was shyly nodding now, almost looked younger in this moonlight with flushed cheeks.

Matthew smiled happily and took his hand “Okay, let’s go them Jay" he started walking them to the woods, far from the mess on the beach, holding his hand. Just crossing those palms trees Matthew's car was waiting for them. JJ thought about pulling his hand away from his grip, but he didn’t do it. There was nobody else around and their hands felt so warm and good together, Matthew’s only a few inches bigger. 

Maybe, this was all a mistake. Maybe, he would regret it later that night, but he didn’t care. Matthew Montgomery was holding his hand and leading him to his car, so they could go somewhere else to be together. Whatever that meant. _I’m afraid of what may come from this_. Their fingers were tangled together and both where smiling. This night was theirs and they were the kings now. Kook and Pogue. Boy and Boy. It didn’t matter.

They were happy.


	2. Can I kiss you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touches, holds and kisses.  
> They made them belong.  
> They made gravity loss it's meaning.  
> They were happy now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took some time. (Maybe a lot of time)  
> But, here it is, my beautiful work.  
> I hope you like it.  
> And I'm really trying to respect they here. So I didn't wanted to go further on things here. You will understand when you read it.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> JJ's thoughts are written in italic  
> English is not my mother tongue, so I'm sorry for any mistake, feel free to correct me

For JJ this was a night of first times. The first time someone confessed to him and he confessed back. The first time a boy had held his hand with intention. The first time he was inside a car that probably costs more money than he would ever have in his life and the first time he would kiss another boy.

The ride was soundless, JJ was looking outside the window while Matthew was driving. Both boys were nervous, anxious and ultimately happy. However, none of them knew what to do, JJ always had the touch with girls, he knew what to do, what to say and where to touch to make them feel good, but he wasn’t with a girl now, so, he was lost. Matthew on the other hand, he knew what to do, what to say and where to touch, but he wouldn’t do anything, because he was with JJ now and he knew he was his first. So he kept himself from touching the boy by his side.

_What do I do now, like am I supposed to be quiet or act? Why do I fell like a frickin’ 12 year old about to confess her feelings for her crush, why I’m thinking like a Disney princess right now. What the fuck._

JJ was definitely lost in his thoughts, so the only thing he could think was that this car needed to stop, so they could talk “Hey, can you pull over?” he said. Matthew immediately nodded and pulled over in a place nearby, that was close to a small beach. It was a good location for fishing, no houses and people around so no sound to scare the fish. What meant that they were alone.

Matthew was starting to fight against the urge to hold JJ, he looked so beautiful in this little light, he looked so right, like he belonged there “Jay, you okay?” he asked unfolding his seat belt and turning to him.

JJ nodded “I’m fine" them he took a deep breath and said “Just worried I think". He was nervous, so he started rubbing his finger in his palm, a thing he used to do since he was young, when he heard his father entering the house and he knew he would come to find him “I mean look, I never did anything like this and this is just y’know new, I guess" he was talking and rubbing his palm, but still without looking to Matthew. The nervousness was crawling his skin.

“Jay” Matthew called him softly while unblocking JJ’s seat belt and taking his hands with his own, causing him to turn his body in his direction “Hey, look at me Jay" his eyes were not lustful, but caring, just like his smile. He was holding JJ's hands looking him deeply “It’s all fine Jay, I know this is new and we don’t have to do anything at all, okay, we can just talk for now". _Your hands feel so soft against mine right now._ “Does that look good for you?”.

“Yeah" JJ said nodding and smiling softly back to him. Matthew brushed his thumb on JJ's hand and replied “Okay, maybe we can talk a little about us? Just to get to know ourselves”. _Poor, underage, addicted, probably in need of physiologic care and abused in home. Yeah, what a beautiful way to started a conversation talking about ourselves_. JJ nodded, he was so shy and worried right now. _What if you don’t like me? What if you notice that I’m too broken?._ “Good, huh, I can go first” Matthew said and stopped to think a little before saying “I like blue and books, your turn". _Oh, now I really look like a character from a girl movie, what’s next? A ride on a fricking pumpkin._

 _Let the bad parts aside and talk about happy things, so you don’t scare him away_. “I like green and surf” he smiled “your turn". _This can work like this, just say good things._ “I was born at Yorkshire and..” JJ interrupted Matthew before he could finish “Wait, isn’t this a dog?”. For that, Matthew replied “Yeah, but the dog came from this place so they have the same name, but yeah it’s a dog". JJ smiled “Okay, yeah, I can definitely see the yorkie traces in you now". Matthew laughed and released his hands so he could push him lazily “Screw you". After that, just like in the beach, they didn’t noticed how things evolved between them. So, they laughed and joked, holding hands again, like it was a old habit of them, but, this time their fingers were tangled together and the smiles they wear matched their caring eyes, just as much as the hands that eventually found it’s place to rest on legs, necks, cheeks and arms.

The conversation kept going after that for quite some time, getting to know each other like that was good. They were good together. They had some things in common, some different tastes, some peculiarities to share, but above all, they had feelings to give and receive. 

* * *

  
Back at the beach, the moon was high in the sky, the fire was bigger now as night came and the teens were having their last fun of the summer. Things were great, some of them were lying on the sand, some talking, some drinking and smoking and of course, some of them were kissing in the dark. John B was one of them. 

On the other hand, Kiara and Pope were sitting in a fallen tree talking and laughing, they were good friends now and their friendship only evolved, what was the best for Pope, because he wanted to spend as much time as he could with her. Kiara was a beautiful girl and like many boys on the school he wanted to be with her too. She was funny, adventurous, had the most contagious laugh and a incredible smile, the most gorgeous one he had ever saw. He had completely fallen for her.

Just like all the 15 years old boys in love for the first time, Pope was shy around her, he knew if he confessed and she didn’t wanted him that would be the end of their friendship, but above all Pogues didn’t stayed with Pogues, that was the rule. He would follow it and let it all just flow away. At least he hoped it would go away.

“Pope” Kiara called him, his beautiful Kiara, “Have you seen JJ around??”.

“Nah I don’t think so Kie" he responded “Why?”. He liked her and of course he was jealous, thinking about why was she asking for JJ now, maybe she wanted him here with her, and them he remembered that this was stupid and they were only friends, she after all did rejected JJ once.

“It’s nothin’ just haven’t seen him in a while.. it’s just..” she stopped talking to bite her lip, maybe he was just with his cousin as he had said. “What is it Kie?” Pope asked, because she had a different look on her face now, a worried one.

“I don’t know, he just seemed off when I saw him earlier.. like he is when.. y’know _that_ happens" He did knew what that meant, that meant his father, every time JJ's dad beatted him he became like that, off and distant, hiding away with smiles and laughs. “I’m worried about him Po, he has been distant all the summer” she bit her lip again and thought before saying “I just.. I don’t want him to be hurt and feel like he needs to be distant from us". 

Now he definitely felt guilt, he was jealous of her thinking about JJ a minute ago, when she was just worried that he was being beatted again by his father. “Oh my god I’m such an idiot” he thought. “Kie" he called her and took her hand “He will be fine okay" he smiled softly for her trying to sound as much comforting as he could “We are always on his side and he knows that, if something happened he would have talked to us, maybe he just needs time" he squeezed her hand “It’s all gonna be alright with him, we’ll take care of him, okay?”.

Kiara was worried and anxious, but, talking to Pope like this always made her calm. So, at least now she was feeling better about JJ, Pope was such a good friend for her, “Okay" she said “I’ll trust you on this one" and smiled for him, that beautiful and incredible smile, “I just want him to be fine". “He will be Kie" he responded and smiled again, letting go of her hand, her gentle and soft hand. 

“I think we both need a beer now, don’tcha?” she said getting up, with a completely different face now, like all the emotion wasn’t there a second ago. She was such a wonderful person for Pope, the one he loved and admired the most.

But, of course none of it could be brought to her knowledge, so, he only smiled for her getting up saying “Only a soda for me”, she chuckled “Mood killer, always daddy’s perfect boy". He laughed and replied “I’m only following the laws”, now she was laughing too and like always they were back at the good mood, joking and talking, making a conversation out of nowhere. They were such good friends. 

However, that was not only what Pope wanted them to be.

* * *

  
The night was already here, the boys were inside the car, splayed comfortably in the front seats. Talking for what seemed like an hour now. They clicked so good together that the time passed without them noticing. 

They were happy, JJ for being able to get comfortable around a boy like this and Matthew for simply being with him. JJ was sitting on top of his left leg turned to Matthew, he had a big smile on his face as he heard the boy by his side talk about himself. They were not holding hands this time, but JJ's hand was resting on Matthew’s arm. The same arm that was resting on top of his own tight. _You could definitely take this hand out of here and put her for a better use._ He wanted to kiss him. He really wanted. He wanted to know how it felt like.

Matthew was sitting turned to JJ so he could look him better. This way he could not only look, but touch him. So, as they talked his hands would sometimes find it’s way to rest on JJ's neck, legs and arms. Although, it was nothing sexual or explicit, only caring touches to not scare JJ away, in case he was moving too fast. Even if in reality, his desire was to grab JJ's neck pulling him for a hot and messy kiss, making him moan against his mouth. 

The light inside the car was turned on, just like the radio. The music playing was nice, a good one actually, but, it was there only to give them some background. Although, what really mattered was the glances they were exchanging, the ones that emerged when the conversation died and the only sound inside the car was the music, they were truly important. They were the ones that warmed JJ's heart and made Matthew’s smile grown bigger. 

This was a moment like those ones, they had stopped talking and were just sitting there, looking at each other and smiling. _This feels so right_. Matthew took his hand to JJ's cheek and traced his fingers over there, taking some time to pause his hand on his jaw and neck, JJ closed his eyes as he felt the way Matthew’s fingers danced on his face. _Oh my god_. But, when Matthew brushed his thumb over JJ's lower lip, the boy lost himself. _Oh my frickin' good god._ “Jay". _Oh God, say my name like this again_. He opened his eyes to look at the boy “Matt" he called back. 

Matthew smiled and brushed his thumb over JJ's jawline, saying softly to him “You are gorgeous”. JJ chuckled a little as he said “Well, you look good too", he was blushing. “Oh, only good?”. They were both blushing. _Way better than good._

“Maybe a little more them good" JJ replied and placed his hand on top of Matthew’s hand that was on his neck now. “Yeah?”. _A lot more than a little actually_. “Yeah" he replied still smiling and blushing even more, closing his eyes and leaning against the feeling of Matthew’s hand.

Matthew was so happy, his heart was racing now as he took his other hand and placed it lightly on JJ's tight “Jay" he called. _Call me like this again, call me like this forever_. JJ was so melted on his feelings right now that the only thing he could manage to say was “Yes" as he opened his eyes. _It’s really happening._ “Can I kiss you?” Matthew asked in a low and tender voice, cheeks flushed in red as he came closer to JJ. So close that JJ could feel him breathing now. He could even smell the cigarettes, perfume, soap and sand on him.

JJ's heart was racing like a fancy boat. The ones that got to a thousand miles in a second. He was blushing, desperate and horny now. He wanted this boy. He wanted to feel his lips, his hands, his whole body against himself. He wanted to feel his weight on top of him. He wanted all of it, the goods and bads, the rights and wrongs. He wanted him, way more than he wanted John. He licked his lips and said in a desperate voice “Yes please". And Matthew kissed him.

The whole world felt like it had stopped, the only thing that mattered for them was the feeling of their lips and how their tongues danced together, just as much as their hands. Matthew’s hands were on his neck and waist pulling him closer, while JJ's were on his neck and head, tugging at his curly hair. The kiss was sloppy and messy, but hot and good. It was perfect, even when they were confused of what to do with their hands or how to move against each other. Especially JJ, he didn’t know were to put his hands or how to move.

With girls, it was simple and he knew what to do, but maybe Matthew wouldn’t like to be held like that, so, he just kept them on his curly hair and beautiful face, feeling every part of his sharp jaw. Until, he brought them to his waist, the touch was light and exploring. Feeling the body behind the shirt, raising his hand to the boys ribs and taking them to his back eventually. He was excited. This was all new and it made him feel like belonging. It all felt so right. The kiss, the touches, the way they were. It all felt so right, but also terrifying for him, because he could easily lost himself on it. Get drunk on the feelings and high on the touches. He was an addicted to this.

Being intimate like this with a boy for JJ, was definitely way more good and hot than being with girls. He liked feeling Matthew’s large hands on his neck and waist, feeling them grabbing and pulling his hair, and oh, that last part was good, so good that between the kiss JJ let a moan escape his lips. That moan was brief and intense and Matthew felt it travelling all the way down on his body, making him more aroused than he already was. _Fuck, grab it again, pull it hard_. “Jay..” Matthew said between the kiss and pulled back to breathe. He had forgotten the need of air. The need of JJ was bigger, for that, air was a futile thing to think when JJ was in front of him.

JJ rested his forehead on Matthew’s and smiled happily while saying “God, this was so good". _Better than good_. JJ was feeling ecstatic right now. _Too fricking good, I feel like a total Disney princess right now, oh my god, that was amazing._

“Really good indeed Jay" Matthew kissed him again, this time slow and soft before saying “You were so perfect" he hugged JJ and whispered on his ear “Jesus, you are so beautiful Jay”. _I think I look like a tomato tornado right now._ “Keep saying things like this and you may get a lot more than that". _You may even get everything_. Matthew blushed violently, undoing the hug to look at JJ’s face. _Oh god, I sounded just like a slut now._

“Jay I.. well that sounds real good, but, I though you were the shy one” Matthew smirked and said to him as he placed his hands on his waist and pulled him close. _Maybe being manhandled isn’t that bad after all._ JJ laughed and only replied “Take me on dinner first fucker, but who knows huh, maybe you can convince me into somethings" he tossed his arms around Matthew’s neck and leaned back against him the better as he could, being sitting on the front seat of a car. _You can convince me of anything._

Matthew chuckled back saying “Maybe a thing or two" and kissed JJ again. This time it ended quickly, the position they were was not comfortable, so JJ pushed back this time to offer “Hey don’t you wanna go to the back seat?”. _We can be closer, but not all the way, not now, but one day maybe_. Matthew nodded and with some trouble they passed for the back seat, pushing each others legs on the way. 

Their cheeks were blushed and they were kissing again, enjoying the better access they had to each other now. There were hands grabbing hairs, arms, butts and in one case or other not so directly landing on top of the front of their pants. Matthew was hard, he needed friction and contact so he stopped the kiss a little to ask JJ if he could change positions, JJ nodded, he was already high on the sensations. So, he grabbed JJ’s hips and helped him sit on top of him. _Please please please_. “Is this okay?” he asked just to be sure they were on the same page. “It’s okay, fuck, please just keep going" JJ replied desperately and they kissed again, hard and hot. 

This time they were close, chest to chest, kissing, touching and rocking at each other. Feeling their bodys getting warmer as the kiss got deeper. Matthew’s hands found it’s way to the hem of JJ’s shirt and as an invitation to that JJ rocked his hips back against him, harder this time, so, he took JJ's shirt off. Saying between kisses “So beautiful Jay" and “So good like this to me" his hands were traveling JJ’s body now. _Fuck._ Turning JJ into a panting mess.

JJ was feeling his pants getting tight as Matthew’s hands danced on his back, chest, nipples and abs. He was feeling too good now. Rocking back against Matthew’s lap, feeling his hard covered cock against him. That was heaven and he toughed that it couldn’t get better, but them, Matthew stopped the kiss to rock back against him and bit his ear lightly telling him how hot he was now. _I’m gonna cum on my pants oh god_. “Matthew please..” he was desperate. He wanted to feel more. He needed more. Fuck.

So, he slipped his hands on Matthew’s body and stopped at his belt, looking Matthew in the eyes to seek approval and what he found was way better. Matthew eyes were glowing full of lust, his lips were red and he was panting now, so, JJ opened his belt and unfolded his pants. “Fuck jay..” Matthew moaned as he tossed his head back on the seat when he felt JJ’s hand going inside his pants. “Matthew" he called and kissed his neck “You are so hot, fuck Matt" he then kissed Matthew’s earlobe and licked his neck, sucking at the same place. “Oh fuck Jay please" Matthew breathed out as he grabbed JJ’s legs, squeezing them. He could feel the hotness inside his pants now, he could feel his cock trembling. He was dripping of pleasure. He wanted this moment to last forever.

This was perfect, this was hot, this was so good for Matthew, JJ on his lap, kissing and sucking his neck, whispering things to his ear and going inside his pants, finally holding his cock. Massaging his wet head. _You are so hot_. Matthew was felling hot as he groped JJ’s hips and legs holding him in place, he could feel his orgasm forming, now that JJ was stroking him, fast and good. “Oh god Jay, yes please". JJ started to kiss him again, hot and messy, when a phone ringed. A loud, a fucking loud phone ringed. _ARE YOU SERIOUS?_. “Fuck, it’s mine" Matthew said as he reached to grab the phone on his back pocket, letting go of JJ. _Fucking seriously answering a phone call when I just had my hands on your fricking cock?_. JJ blurred out before he could stop himself “You joking me right?”.

“I’m so sorry, have to take it, it’s my friend" Matthew said rapidly before answering the call. JJ only said “Yeah, okay" and got out of his lap, searching for his shirt and pulling it on, his cock was still hard inside his pants. Although, the mood was dead. _Fucking friend what the hell COULDN’T YOU CALL IN LIKE FUCKING TEN MINUTES? DUMB FUCK._

“Okay.. yeah I get it.. no no I’m going just wait for me” Matthew was saying at the phone, putting his hair straight and trying to fix himself at the seat “Okay.. just hold him in place, I’m gonna get you ‘kay". _Now you are leaving, okay what a freak cliché am I in?_. “Yeah, see you" Matthew said before hanging up. 

“So, going somewhere?” JJ asked before Matthew could say anything. He was a little pissed for going to heaven in a moment and being pulled straight back to earth in the other, he wanted more, but he knew nothing was gonna happen again tonight. That’s why he could not hide the disappointment on his face. Matthew looked amused with what was told to him on the phone call “I’m so sorry Jay, Fuck.. this was so good and hot” he stopped to put his pants and belt in place again before continuing “I wanted to really keep going with you, but, I have to get my stupid friend and my other friend, that apparently is fucking drunk back at the beach" he stopped and sighed “I’m sorry Jay, I promised I’d take them home earlier". _Always the perfect guy aren’t you._ Matthew had the same disappointed face as JJ. They were frustrated for being interrupted like that. Both were expecting a full golden night and instead they received only half things.

 _Oh boy_. JJ sighed and moved so that he was on Matthew’s side on the seat, holding his hand and smiling soft, this had been a good night for them “Matt hey, look at me” he called and when Matthew was looking at him he said “This was perfect okay, you have to go, and that’s fine, after all we can always meet again, right?” and like magic they were smiling again with caring eyes. Matthew nodded taking JJ’s hands tangling their fingers and kissing him gently. 

“Of course we can babe, I would love it” he them kissed JJ's knuckles and looked back at him “I want to see and learn more about you, what I said earlier about wanting to be with you, I wasn’t talking about just tonight Jay” his eyes were glowing somehow “I really want to". JJ kissed him back and said tossing his arms on his neck and pulling him for a hug “I want it too". _I want it all_. He backed of a little only to say against Matthew’s lips before kissing him softly “But, next time turn the fucking phone off alright?”. Matthew chuckled, one hand on JJ's back and the other on his neck, he was happy. “I will I promise” he said between the kiss.

This night was theirs and it had been too good so far. Even with the sudden interruption, they were happy. This was a night of first times and promises for them. This was a night of feelings and experiences. But above all, this was a night to seek for second times.

JJ was smiling on the car before, during and after the touches. This boy by his side, holding his hand, did not felt disgusted over him or ashamed, he was smiling back and caring for him. This boy could be a possibility for him. 

Most important of all, this boy wasn’t John B and it didn’t mattered, because it felt right and good. This was a night of joy for him and even his father couldn’t ruin it. He was not a Pogue tonight. He was a king of his own world and happiness.

* * *

  
The ride back to the beach was silent, the music on the radio did the talk for them. Both boys were entertained by the thoughts of what they had just shared a couple minutes ago. The only thing connecting them physically was their hands. They were craving for more and more. This had just been perfect so far. Perfect like the way their hands felt together, the weight, the warmth, the hold. It was all terrifyingly good.

Matthew brushed his thumb over JJ's hand and squeezed it lightly before letting go, a small smile on his lips. _Feels empty to not have your hold_. They had just arrived on the beach, now they were nothing more than two boys in a car. The intimacy they had shared was now a secret to hold and hide. For others nothing had happened and they were simply friends. They were not the kings now, only the pieces in a complicated game called life.

“Jay" Matthew called when he pulled over, JJ turned to look at him and saw the glowing in his eyes. _You are beautiful._ “I’m gonna catch my friends and had off, but, I wanted to thank you, that was a good night” he smiled. Soft and light. _A fucking dream_. “This was good for me too, too strange and new, but good" JJ replied and offered a shy smile in return. _Better than any dream._ “Definitely good" JJ sighed and complemented “But, I think it’s time to go now”. _I don’t want to._ “Yeah, yeah alright" Matthew nodded and took the key out of the engine and opened the door and got out of the car. JJ did the same, stopping only to make sure he got his belongings still in his pockets, before closing the door. _It’s ending_. 

Matthew started walking, getting to JJ's side, leaning closer to talk in a way only both of them could listen “I wanted to hug you and kiss you goodbye, but I think that’s not recommended” he smiled and asked, stepping away from JJ's personal space “I’m gonna go look for my friends, and you?”. _Gonna go scream somewhere that I want to murder your friend for calling you when we were CLEARLY occupied_. JJ passed his hand on his hair and shrugged saying “The same I think, see if my friends waited for me or if they left”. 

“Oh, you want a ride home if they aren’t here?” Matthew asked worried that he made JJ lost his drive home. _Oh yeah, because if dad saw some Kook dropping me with a BMW he would be so pleased , good intention, but hell no, he would only call me stupid for doing that and provoke me about being getting along with you, it would make my life a bigger hell_. JJ wanted to laugh on that question, it was a stupid fucked thing to ask, but, he didn’t laughed. Matthew didn’t knew what his father did to him, so it wasn’t a provocative offer. It was a kind one. He only smiled and refused the offer, “It’s okay, don’t worry” he pointed to a direction and said “My friend’s house is that way, I will just go there in any case, spend the night and shit". _John’s house is indeed that way, but it’s not close at all, maybe a 40 minutes walk or some shit like it._

Matthew nodded “Okay I guess that’s it then”. For that JJ replied “Yeah I think it is". They were uncomfortable, still trying to figure out how to act around each other, now that they had shared kisses and touches. They were smiling softly. Matthew was holding and twisting his keys on his hand and JJ had both hands on his pockets. They wanted to reach for touch and hold. But, they kept their hands to themselves. “I think tha..” JJ started talking before being interrupted by someone calling while approaching them “YO Montgomery!”. It was a boy, tall, black hair, Kook features. JJ knew how it was. Aaron Junior Williams, son of the his former employer, a real son of a bitch. The father not the son. Aaron was fine, but his dad was a pain in the ass, always made JJ work until late in Sundays and didn’t pay in time. _Bastard_. “Hey mate" Matthew hugged the boy quickly before saying “JJ this is my friend Aaron". _I already know_. “Yeah I know him, Sup' man" JJ greeted him. Aaron slimed “Yo man how's it goin'?”. Aaron was one of the good Kooks. JJ said “All fine bro" he had his cocky voice now. For that Aaron only replied “Sweet man". Friendly talk was okay with them, given that they were only “friends". The kind of waving and greeting friendship, occasionally doing small talk.

“So Monty, ready to go?” Aaron asked turning to Matthew “Danver is fucking drunk, talking shit, y’know how he gets, one second he is a disgusting little shit and the next he turns into a lovely sunflower”. _So you guys are the reason my night ended so earlier_. Matthew nodded and responded “Sure mate” he then tossed his keys to the other boy “Put him in the car, I have to speak to JJ real quick”. “Sure thing man" Aaron said walking away to get his drunk friend that was laying nearby with other boys. 

“Jay, give me your phone" Matthew said, using the same voice from before so only they could listen, JJ handled him his unblocked phone without hesitation. Matthew thanked him and started scrolling and typing something. When JJ came closer he saw what it was. A phone number, he was typing his number for JJ. _Oh, good idea_. “Here" he handled the phone to JJ “My number, now you can text me or call me when you feel like it". _I definitely will._ “Thanks, that’s, huh, I will keep in touch"

“Okay that’s good Jay, I’ll wait for you then, but I need to go now" Matthew smiled “Take care love" he passed through JJ whispering the last word for him and without anyone noticing, he caught JJ's hand and squeezed it rapidly. That was it, he was going after his friends. Now, things were over. But, not finished. JJ smiled as he watched Matthew walk away, his beautiful hair, his board shoulders, his tall figure, his sharp jaw. This was a strange night. Almost a dream for him.

He was so occupied with his thoughts that he didn’t even heard Pope calling him. Until he screamed “JJ! BRO". JJ turned and saw all his friends walking to him. “Earth to JJ. Are you listening us here?” Kiara said stopping in front of JJ, waving her hand. Pope on her right and John B on her left side. _You guys_. “Sorry sorry, just got carried away” JJ said smiling lazily, but this smile was not common, for that smile was only for them. This one only appeared when they were on their on world. A whole world that moved around the four of them.

John B chuckled and passed his arms around JJ's shoulders “Are you drunk? Young man, you know that minors shouldn’t drink". _Yeah tell me that fucker._ JJ laughed “Well well look, the dirty talking about the dirtier” he pushed John friendly “You little shit” he said and grabbed John by the head huffing his hair and laughing hard. John pushed him saying “Oh piss off you alcoholic”. Pope and Kiara were laughing on the background. “Piece of shit" JJ called. “Damn rat” John said. They used to tease since they were little boys. This was their thing.

“Okay, okay boys" Kiara chuckled and said while going to stand between them “You can be stupid later, I wanna go home and sleeeep” she looked at them with puppy eyes “Come on let’s go". “Okay princess” JJ said “Majesty, your car waits” he bounded joking with her and John did the same saying “Let’s go princess, we don’t want to disturb your beauty sleep”. Pope laughed on their joke and Kiara did the same. She pretended to be holding her dress and walked past them saying “Thank you gentlemen”. _There it is my beautiful Kie._

JJ laughed raising his head and saying to Pope “Now were is the car butler?”. Pope said with arched brows “Why am I the butler?”. JJ replied “Because I obviously am the prince and John the gay best friend”. John turned to him shouting “I’m only the gayest friend, but thank you, now were is the van?”. They found the van parked on the other side of improvised parking lot and Pope, the only sober one, drove them to John B’s house, The Chateau. 

* * *

  
It was long past midnight now, John was sleeping on his father’s bed so Kiara could sleep on his own, Pope was passed out on the living room couch and JJ was awake. He was outside in the porch, looking the calm waves and thinking. He couldn’t sleep, every time he tried he found himself thinking about the way Matthew’s lips had felt. Thinking about the boys hands on his body. Thinking about having his hair pulled and his neck kissed. 

_Perhaps, it could go right, John is my friend and he loves me, but he will never be like Montgomery is. He will never have me, at least not like that._

JJ was a confused kid, he had dreams about not being like this. Dreams where he could hug his dad and hear him saying that he was proud of being his father. Dreams of his mother walking in the front door and smiling for him. Dreams of holding John’s hand and kissing him slowly. Dreams where he could be his true self. Dreams that he knew, were nothing more than just illusions. 

“What you doin’ here?” Kiara asked closing the front door behind her and getting on his side. She had a blanket over her shoulders and her voice was very sleepy. _If it was you Kie, all of this would be so much easy_. “Hey sleeping beuty” he greeted her smiling “Just looking the sea, couldn’t sleep”. She only replied “Me neither” and supported her head on his shoulder. 

He wanted to like her, he really wanted, because if it was her, this mess, all this mess of feelings would be simple. He would like her and she would say no. They would laugh and be good the next day. But, nothing in his life was that simple.

They stayed like that for some time, enjoying the company of each other, this was their thing, the hugs and friendly touches, this was how they worked. “Can I ask you something?” Kiara said breaking the silence. “Yeah” he said turning to look at her. “Did something happened with you?”. _A lot happened_. “I mean between you and your dad” she completed. _But nothing like that._

He sighed and patted her shoulder saying “Don’t worry about me Kie, nothing happened". She always worried about him, since the first time she saw him with a bruise on his face and he told her who did it. “Are you sure?.. I mean you were quiet today and them you dissapeared.. and when I saw your cousin at the beach he said that he didn’t saw you and.. I was worried" her voice was trembling. So, he hugged her and said against her hair “I swear nothing like that happened princess". 

“Okay” she said and decided to not push the subject, “But were where you them JJ?”. _Nowhere I could tell_. He hated telling lies for his friends, especially for Kiara, but his life was already full of them. “I was wondering around and.. I kind meet someone too”. “Oh okay" she was surprised “That’s good, I guess". “Yeah it is". 

She liked JJ, she really liked him a lot, like a brother “Someone I know?” and like every sister she knew when he was lying or hiding something, so when he denied that last question, she knew something was not in place. He never lied about girls, even when they were her friends from chemistry class or her cousin that was visiting for the week. She always knew when he was lying, but she wasn’t going to push him. Everyone had secrets and he needed his ones to survive. “Okay, I’m gonna go back to sleep then" she said before walking to the front door “don’t stay up too late”. He smiled and waved her off “Yes mom".

“Oh Jay?” she said stopping before closing the door “I saw you talking to Monty before we reached you, was he bothering you?”. _Oh no Kie, he wasn’t bothering me at all._ “No, he’s fine Kie". 

“You sure? His friend’s dad was that one that didn’t treated you right". _Aaron’s dad? Oh Kie, you little sweet thing, worrying about me_. “The big boy did nothing to me mom, go back to sleep" he mocked her with a grin on his lips. “Fuck you JJ" she replied. 

He chuckled and said “Don’t worry Kie, he is just a friend”. _He’s way more than just a friend_. She said “Alright" and entered the house, going straight to the bed. 

JJ was left outside looking at the sea, wondering around memories and craving for future meetings. This had been a night of first times and he was already imagining the second ones to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have enjoyed so far  
> Thank you all for reading it  
> And please leave some thoughts about my work  
> See you ♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I hope you guys have enjoyed this, comment your opinions down below and let me know if you want something for the next part.  
> .  
> .  
> Also english is not my mother tongue, so sorry for any mistakes here.


End file.
